Turning 40

Turning 40 this year was everything I hoped it would be.  For the first time in as long as I could remember, I was actually happy to be a year older.   More importantly, I survived my 30's and I was  genuinely enthusiastic to begin my 40's on a good note.

To begin, I had the most amazing birthday celebration.  My husband orchestrated a party in our home for my family and closest friends.  He hired a private chef to create delicious dishes, and he methodically organized the party, whereby I was completely unaware of the plans he was making.  It was superb in every way.

I remember something that my aunt once told me when I turned 30; she said that my 40's would be the best years of my life.  Just like that, matter of fact.  I really didn't absorb the message back then, but today, I can feel what she meant. 

My 30's were a disaster.  I'm not being melodramatic, here.  I can honestly describe myself back then as insecure, angry, edgy, impatient, unkind and arrogant.  I cried a lot.  I screamed a lot.  I had bad relationships with men.   I turned to marijuana for solace and 'clarity'.  I made a lot of people worry about me unnecessarily.   And I had zero confidence in myself.

I've been a fitness instructor for over 20 years.  One would think that my being in an industry that promotes good health and well-being would create a heightened awareness for me, about the body, mind and spirit.  In essence, my career saved me through all of my pain and suffering.  I used exercise as my springboard to safety.  It was my outlet when I needed to let off steam.  It made sense to sweat every day--it released toxins out of my system and allowed me to flush out any negativity I was carrying.

The day everything changed?  It was late August of 2009, when I travelled to Costa Rica alone.  I decided to take part in a one-week contract teaching yoga, in a beautiful resort.  It was a picture perfect location, insanely hot weather and friendly people.  But I was all alone, and I was lonely.  I actually wrote in a journal for the length of my stay and I still refer to it, when I want to read the words of a girl in turmoil.  I realized back then that I had no other choice;  I had to make drastic changes in my life, or I'd be stuck in this self-imposed hell. 

It took me months to come around, after that trip.  I literally eliminated toxic people from my life and began looking at the world differently.  I forced myself to smile, even when I wasn't truly content.  I kept thinking how far I still had to go to feel a sense of success, accomplishment and self-worth.  But then, without knowing exactly how it came to pass, I naturally simmered down and just accepted myself for all my faults and foibles.

Turning 40 was the knowledge that I came from a place of despair and rose above the fray to create a life of value.  I married a wonderful man who elevated my soul to new heights.  I made new friends who accepted me for everything that I am.  I reconnected with family members and solidified my relationships with them.  I started waking up each morning being grateful for my life. 

We all have to appreciate the good, the bad and the mediocre.  When one has a new perspective on life, it can only continue on a high note.  Know that you too, have every reason to celebrate where you are right now and how far you've come.  You're not turning another year older--you're turning another year better.