Will you lighten up? It's just YOGA.

I've been practicing hot yoga (Bikram and Moksha), for over 11 years now.  In just over a decade, I have noticed some amazing things not only in myself, but in those around me, nearly every time I enter a yoga studio or gym.  It truly surprises me that such a gentle, expressive form of exercise has turned into a competition for the ego.

Let me explain:  A few weeks ago, I attended a class that was jam-packed with at least 35 people, in a room cranked up to 105 degrees.   I wish I could've taken a picture in that sweaty room--you should've seen every single one of these people's faces.  I know a little bit about body language, and not one person I laid eyes on appeared comfortable in their own skin.  I saw such intense focus on these faces.  I saw strain instead of satisfaction.  All of these bodies were fighting through challenging postures, instead of melting into them.

So, for all the yogis out there, I have some disclaimers for you.  Here goes:

Yoga isn’t about our lifestyle, our beliefs, our weight, our diet, our flexibility, how spiritual or enlightened we are--yoga is just about showing up and doing our dance on our mats.  Yoga doesn't care if you show up cranky or exhausted.  Yoga doesn't care how much money you have, what house you live in, what car you drive.  Yoga is just happy you show up.

One of my favorite yoga instructors of all time, Danny Noel, is proof-positive that you can give an inspiring, uplifting and challenging class that caters to every BODY in the room.  His soft delivery, his perfect sequencing, his words of encouragement, his very soul--make him a gentle force to be reckoned with.  In the last few years alone, I have only attended his classes called, 'Moksha Flow'; a 75 minute series that shifts from one asana (posture) to another, seamlessly and fluidly.  I love how graceful and malleable I feel leaving the studio after one his sessions.  The world is lucky to have this man in existence.  I kid you not--11 years ago, when I first started my journey into hot yoga, HE was the man that made it so appealing and addictive.  Truly, I thank G-d for him.

I don't teach hot yoga, but I do teach Hatha and Ashtanga quite regularly.  Even in these classes, where heat is not a factor, people come into the room looking depressed, angry and pent up with stress.  It is so evident, that every time I lead a yoga class, half the room isn't even IN THE ROOM.  They are preoccupied with their routines, kids, schedules, commitments.  I always wonder when I look at each individual face:  Why are you here?  What are you hoping to achieve today? 

Yoga doesn't care what your hair looks like.  Yoga doesn't care if you smoke cigarettes or drink whiskey.  Yoga doesn't care what religion you believe in.  Yoga doesn't care if you wear Lululemon or Spiritual Gangster.  Yoga is just happy that you've taken an hour (on average) out of your day to focus on what your body truly needs--to be at peace, to be calmer, quieter, saner.  Your body is craving deep inhales and exhales.  Your body is asking you to focus inwardly, not outwardly.  And you must obey.

And now, to be blunt:  If you're coming into a yoga studio expecting the teacher to light a fire beneath you, to make you feel better and inspire you, that's one thing.  But if, during your entire practice, you cannot turn the corners of your mouth up even once to crack a smile, I really feel sorry for you.  Because YOGA IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE SERIOUS.  You're meant to be light,  you're meant to feel limber and lithe, and then feel luminous afterwards.  What's the point of even entering the room, if you're going to walk out just as miserable and heavy as when you walked in?

And so, to all the dedicated yogis:  Think really hard.  Why do you practice yoga? Answer honestly.  And don't be afraid to dig deep.

There is something to be learned and taken from every yoga class and experience.  Whatever your experience is in any yoga class, the important thing to remember is to have fun, laugh and don't take it too seriously.  The world is full of chaos.  Don't bring it into the studio with you.  Leave your gripes, your worries and your troubles at the door, would you?  My theory:  Come into the room feeling light, and leave it feeling lighter. 

Peace.  And, Namaste...

Lying and cheating: A destructive duo in relationships...

While I was at work yesterday, a colleague of mine approached me to say hello and catch up on some news.  During our five minute conversation, she shared with me that her boyfriend of two years cheated on her with another woman.  I felt awful hearing her story.  Apparently, he kept it a secret from her for months, and it was only when she cornered him with a series of questions about the subject, did he finally admit to the truth.  This woman has had no end of crappy luck in her relationships.  She's petite, sweet, fit and funny--any man would be lucky to have her as a girlfriend.  But, seemingly, she continues to attract the same type of man:  those who 'pull the wool over her eyes', those who are deceitful, lying, cheating bastards.  I wonder what kind of vibe she's putting into the universe, to repeatedly attract these 'wolves in sheep's clothing'...

 

We all want to be adored in our relationships, don't we?  We invest all of our energy, in body, mind and soul, and hope that our hearts don't end up in pieces when we give them away to our perspective mates.  We hope that honesty and trust are paramount when we begin our journey with another person.   But, it doesn't always end up happily.

 

My colleague, who admits she's quite intuitive, very trusting and extremely easy-going, was tricked.  Her boyfriend obviously worked very hard to cover up his tracks and his web of lies ended up being the dynamite that destroyed their relationship.  Here's the kicker:  As she spoke to me, her face didn't show any signs of being visibly upset; rather, she was bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, surprisingly calm, and rational.  Sadly, this wasn't the first time a man had disappointed her in this way.

 

So, it begs the question:  What kind of energy is she putting out into the cosmos, to continually attract these types of men?  As intelligent, trusting and intuitive as she is, why isn't she better equipped to filter out the 'undesirables' and attract men who possess quality traits and exude 'staying power'? 

 

Here's the theory:  We teach people, through our body language and our words, how to treat us.  We are constantly setting standards for ourselves and others--how we want to be spoken to, respected and loved.  If we appear timid or self-conscious or unsure of ourselves, it shows to the outside world.   Some men (and women) who are self-assured and successful sometimes look for mates who exhibit more submissive traits, and that's not a bad thing.  It's very much like the Yin-Yang in Chinese philosophy.    That's what makes the world go round.  Sometimes, opposites really do attract.  But, why does one have to lie and cheat their way through a relationship that is less than favorable?  Wouldn't it be so much easier to fess up, be truthful and come clean with your partner?

 

Fear plays a big part in choosing to lie.  Whether we fear losing the relationship, feel badly about a mistake made, or dislike conflict, it is best in the long run to face these vulnerabilities and fears.  When you resist telling your partner that you have lost interest in sex, are you protecting your partner from feeling hurt or avoiding the challenging conversation that might create tension in your relationship? 

 

I would argue that it hurts so much more to lie and cheat than it does to simply admit the truth.  If one is truly unhappy in a relationship, one should communicate openly about it, rather than sweeping secrets under the rug.  If this problem festers, it only gets worse, not better.

 

Lying and cheating--a destructive duo that causes nothing but anguish.  Human beings are fragile creatures.  We all want to find that special someone who makes our hearts sing.  We all want excitement and adventure in our unions, but why cheat and lie if you're unhappy?  It's a cop-out, my friends.  Many of us don't have the balls to admit we're miserable and would rather make other people suffer for our mistakes.  A shame, really.  Love means putting your heart and soul out there, being open and vulnerable and trusting that someone doesn't stomp on your dreams.

 

My opinion? If you're unhappy, quickly figure out what you need to do to get happier.  Open your mouth and talk to your partner.  It's time to reveal your weaknesses, divulge your deepest desires, and show your true colors.  Give up on the idea of stretching the truth.  If you're reading this and you really want 'out' of your relationship, you'd better start talking with your mate.  Stop lying and cheating.  Save yourself and your mate from unnecessary torment.  Do the right thing.