The end of the world? My ASS!

So many catastrophic things have happened recently; namely, the horrible shooting in Conneticut that killed 26 innocent people--what a tragedy.  It shook me to my core, because I was immediately aware that absolutely no one is safe, anywhere, at anytime.

And what about all the hype surrounding 'La Fin Du Monde' predicted for December 21st?  Can you believe the sheer nonsense of it all?  Honestly, I get up every morning and think: is this the last time I'll be waking up to brush my teeth/shower/work/see my family?  Utterly ridiculous. 

The media is powerful, but the human mind is even more powerful.  I always promised myself, to never let the media infiltrate my brain waves and affect my daily life.  And look where it's gotten me; I still fear that our world, as we know it, will be obliterated someday.  That gun shootings in 'safe' places will continue to occur because there are multitudes of unstable people in the universe and millions of people that illegally own guns.

I'll tell you what needs to happen:  We, as a species, have to hold on to goodness. We have to harness all the awesomeness we have in our lives and ride that beautiful wave.  We cannot let the media or the opinions of others, sway our thinking and disturb our karma.

My world, as I know it, cannot possibly end, yet.  I have plans.  I haven't had children yet.  I haven't been to remote parts of the world, yet.  I haven't reached middle age, yet.  I am a forty year old woman that has so much to live for, and frankly, this lousy 'end of the world' bullshit is making me irate.

Truthfully, I want it all.  I want the 'full enchilada'.  And if the fucking world blows up in two days time, it'll ruin my plans and I'd be mighty pissed off.  And G-d, in all his glory, wouldn't want me to be angry.  I'm a redhead.  'Nuff said...

The other day, my status update on Facebook was all about living your best life.  It highlighted the idea of taking risks, being bold, and relinquishing fear.  When I was in my 30's, I let the opinions of others rule my outlook on life.  And I've got to say:  in my 40's, it ain't goin' down like that--because I'm NEVER going to allow anyone to dictate how my life is going to play out. 

The end of the world will only occur when one has given up all hope.  If your mindset is negative, then you will attract doom and gloom.  Take it from me, the gal who at one point in her life was full of despair, the best way to live life is without regret.  Without trepidation.  Without worry.

The 'end of the world' is a farce.  It isn't true.  It won't happen.  Trust me.
What will happen, is a major shift in the cosmos.  A major movement in the human race is about to occur--because we are all aware and alive and it's time for change.  No one wants anymore hardship--we just want peace.   

It sounds trite but, you must live each day as if it's your last.  It's too bad, that it takes a major life-changing catastrophe, to make us hyper-sensitive to the possibility of death.

Honestly, you should fear death.  It should spark just enough fear in you to finally smarten the fuck up.  Start living your authentic life.  Don't wait any longer.  LIVE YOUR LIFE WITH GUSTO.

Grief Management

Being wide awake at 3am isn't all it's cracked up to be.  Some people don't know why they're suddenly jolted out of a deep sleep, but today, I DO.  I hate how the subconscious mind wins every time. 
I may be a little vague with this particular post I'm about to share, but I trust that there will be a few concepts that you can probably relate to, as I go along.

It is said that positive thoughts translate to positive actions.  And the opposite is also true; if you take any negativity to bed with you, it'll likely translate into an interrupted slumber.  I've been carrying a weight around with me since my parents separated in the early 90's.  I always seem to think that I've nipped my troubles and sorrows in the bud, but when they resurface, it's as if all the hard work I've done to heal my soul vanishes.  I'm gripped with insecurities, my lower back seizes up, my eyes become blurry, my thoughts become laced with anger and resentment.

So, why in the world would I allow myself to slip, even for a moment?  Because human emotions are heavy, powerful forces.  And while I do allow myself to wallow in self-pity every once in awhile, it pains me that I can still be so deeply affected by events that happened to me almost 20 years ago.  When things are running smoothly in my life,  dark thoughts never enter my psyche.  The slightest curve ball thrown my way makes me want to escape from reality, avoid human contact and isolate myself in a room. 

I'll tell you what makes me irate.  Inconsistency.  Arrogance.  Lack of respect and humility.  And, when it happens 'close to home', it's even more upsetting and infuriating.  Putting up with anything that brings you down is a no-brainer--one shouldn't have to.

What's ironic is that I'm usually the 'go-to' girl for advice, solace and words of wisdom.  But, when I'm the one who suffers, all of those attributes seem to vanish.  I forget how much work I've done to get to this point, I negate every kind word that comes my way, I am gripped by sadness and at that moment, I'm inconsolable; I don't want to fight anymore or utter another word.  No one can bring me back to the surface, unless I swim to get there, myself. 

But, I'll tell you what helps me.  Music.  Movement.  Reflection.  Without these three elements, I wouldn't make it back in one piece.  I'd be a mere shell, walking the earth without a purpose, flailing in the wind without a direction.  If I didn't have the courage to pull myself back in or have the thought process to let the small stuff go, I'd be lost.  I'd be right back where I was 20 years ago.  And I never want to revisit that ugly, lifeless, gripping, twisted place again.

I bet you're reading this and wondering what the heck I'm trying to say.  Like, where is all this angst coming from;  how did I allow it to wash over me, stay in my bed, live in my heart, take over my thoughts? 

Because I'm weak and sometimes I crumble when shit hits the fan.  Because when anyone you care about hurts you, intentionally or not, it stings badly and leaves a mark.  The worst is when you have to look at it again, after a long hiatus.  I haven't rid myself of the garbage, clearly. 

The only time the garbage will be taken to the curb, is when you decide with absolute fortitude, to push forward through all the junk and rise above the massive pile to look at your sky, infinite with potential.  It's a superb feeling when you know where you stand, what you're capable of, where your heart lies, how your thoughts drive you forward instead of backward.  I know I possess strength and resilience.  I have fought through some tough battles and I've conquered some of my biggest phobias.  But, I don't want to allow another person, be it a family member, friend or stranger, to ever take hold of my emotions and ruin my day.  I want to learn how to push that crap down into the earth and stomp on it with my feet.  I want to smile knowing that it's not forgotten entirely; it's simply 'behind bars' for me to look at and visit, and then leave without feeling guilt or anguish, like a prisoner who committed a heinous crime for which there is no parole.

I do love my life and everything I've worked so tenaciously for.  I love the healing energy I give to other people.  I admire those who have struggled and then triumphed.  Because I am much like everyone I see walking the streets--vulnerable, fragile, born to live freely. 

Pain and suffering are a necessary part of what makes one appreciate all the good things in life. 
When faced with hard times, the key is to let the waves wash over you temporarily, and then dry yourself off and get back in the game.  Only after writing this do I understand that life really is too damn short to sweat the small stuff. 

Thanks for reading.

Don't get mad--get busy.

I'm the type of person who pays attention to my body signals.  In early September, while at my yearly physical, I noticed a pattern that was developing--every single day between 2-6pm, I was feeling drowsy and lethargic.  I couldn't figure out why my eyelids were heavy and my body felt weak, on a daily basis.  It was only after I had some blood tests done, that I learned my thyroid reading was low.  That certainly explained a lot.  While I exercised 5 days a week, I thought perhaps I was working out too hard, or not getting adequate rest, or not eating enough protein.  But, two weeks into taking thyroid medication, I noticed a definitive shift in my energy levels. 

Before I knew what was wrong with me, I was frustrated to the point of tears.  My work, albeit my saving grace, was the only part of my routine that I could muster up the energy for.  At one point, I was routinely heading into bed just after 7pm.  My sleep patterns were interrupted, but I can honestly say that I was getting at least 9 hours of rest, nightly.  That was more than enough snooze time, for my body and mind to feel alert.

I found myself getting angry for being tired all the time.  I couldn't plan for leisure activities or social evenings out with friends or weekend meetings with family members, because I didn't know if I'd be alert or awake enough to attend anything.  As the weeks progressed, I decided to change my thinking, which helped me to change my overall outlook.

In my career, I have been the 'go-to' girl for all things related to fitness and nutrition.  Funny, how I can dish out advice and occasionally, I find that I'm not following through with my own words of wisdom.  If I'm going to talk the talk, then I'd better walk the walk.  So here are some simple tips for you, to feel your best and increase your energy, especially during the upcoming winter season.

1/ The snow should never deter you from enjoying the great outdoors.  That's why you should bundle up, grab a thermos of soup or hot chocolate and get active.  Take a walk, grab a friend and relish in the joy of being alive.  Build a snowman, go cross-country skiing, snowshoeing, ice skating.  Endless possibilities.

2/ It's rather important to beef up on your B vitamins, Vitamin D, C, E, Omega 3's and lean proteins.  Fish, lean cuts of meat, legumes, green vegetables, fibrous fruits, whole grains--all contribute to a healthy immune system, and will keep your energy levels up. 

3/ Get at least 6 hours of sleep.  Some people need more, some need less.  Coffee is not the answer to staying alert, though some people would argue that it's the jolt they need that works wonders.  Make sure to hydrate with ample amounts of water, as skin tends to be much drier in the winter.  Juicing is a good idea, too. 

4/ My favourite thing to play on winter weekends?  Board games.  Scrabble is the game I play the most.  It wakes up your brain, makes you strategize, and if you play with at least 4 people, it's a blast.  Get some friends together on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon, prepare some snacks and beverages and choose an entertaining activity.

5/ There's something so incredible about a fireplace, and if you have access to one, definitely use it.  Staring at the fire has such a calming effect, don't you find?  It's something that I remember so fondly from childhood, and I was so mesmerised by it.  Focus on the flames, breathe deeply, let you brain wander. 

6/ Don't fall into a routine this winter:  work, eat, rest, repeat.  Shake things up and force yourself to try new things.  Pick up a 'NOW' magazine (all my Toronto readers), and check out a new show, museum, concert venue, restaurant, or an out of town event.  We are so lucky to have endless amounts of entertainment in our city.  If the words, 'I'm bored' should leave your lips, it's time to shake, rattle and roll. 

Most importantly, keep warm, stay vibrant and smile. 

Fall and RISE

All the media hype surrounding Hurricane Sandy has sent millions of people into a tailspin.  Yesterday, I was watching some of the devastation on television and it got me thinking; why the heck am I forcing myself to watch this?  I would typically shield my eyes or at least preoccupy my mind with happier thoughts.  But, I watched with fear in my eyes and anguish in my heart. 

I can't even imagine being in that awful situation with flooded roads, destroyed homes, and people injured or perished.  It just goes to show that the forces of nature are all-encompassing and always pose threats to humanity.  This is the cycle of life, unfortunately.

These recent events got me thinking about my own personal struggle when I was in my 30's, and how I rose above the fray to become a better version of myself.  If there truly is a reason for everything, then even this damn hurricane and all the ones before it, had a divine purpose.

In December of 1999, I was living downtown with my father at the foot of Yonge Street, in a high-rise luxury condominium.  I had a dog named P.J. back then, and if he could have talked, he'd tell you some scary stories.  Namely, my six month struggle with bulimia.

I'll never forget how this damn eating disorder took hold of my brain and body.  Whenever I'd see other lanky girls walking the city streets, I'd shudder with fear because even though I was visually healthy and of normal weight, I was just like them.  Insecure, miserable, lacklustre. 

I kept a journal during that painful period.  I remember how I'd reward myself with food for a job well done at work, only to purge it all later.  I forced myself to vomit every single day for months.  When I try to picture myself back then, I can hardly believe that it even happened to me.  I recall that I was dating a fellow at the time, who wasn't doing much for my self-esteem either. 

In my journal, I'd always pose the question:  Why are you letting this happen?  You're stronger than this!  You are a Taurus!  Resilient, tough, courageous.  And yet every night, after eating copious amounts of ice cream, or cereal, or chocolate I'd run to the bathroom to purge.  It was a force stronger than I can describe.  I looked at my face in the mirror every night, and saw a girl I didn't recognize.  It was the most frightening time, and I constantly questioned myself when it would all end.  I knew the answer, but for six months it continued.  I didn't even tell my parents, until the tail-end of my struggle.

I won't get into more detail, but just know this:  I didn't get professional help for my eating disorder, even though my parents begged me to.  I vowed that I would nip it the bud myself, and sure enough, I did.  How it all happened, I still don't really remember.  All I knew was that as soon as all the 'toxic' variables were eliminated from my life, things naturally turned around for the better.

Since my bout with bulimia in late '99, I have never had a relapse.  The only facet about FALLING down that I can recall, is that I ROSE up with all the strength I could muster, all on my own.  I never begged for help, yet I suffered in silence.  This will be a story that I will share with my children (G-d willing) one day.  I want them to know, that it's never OK to carry anguish and that it's always OK to share pain. 

Think about every person you know and love, who has struggled and suffered through life and over time, has triumphed.  Pretty awesome, isn't it?  Humans are so fragile, yet so strong.  The moral is: We are all more capable than we make ourselves out to be. 

Stretch your way to happiness...

For me, being a part of the ever-changing fitness industry is so rewarding.  Every single day at work, I'm bound to be asked questions about proper form and technique, or the best foods to eat, or the most effective exercises for weight-loss.  But, the most reoccurring theme that I've been asked of late is about stretching.  I have a theory about stretching the body, and maybe after reading this, you'll begin to change your mind about how it plays such an integral role in your life.

If you're a busy body like me, you don't like sitting still during peak hours.  I'm an early riser and I'm at my best between 7am and 4pm.  During those 9 hours, I stretch with participants during my fitness classes and/or with clients in their home.  I have always stressed that even a few minutes throughout the day of gentle stretching coupled with deep breathing, is rather beneficial for the nervous system.  Most of us are shallow breathers, and sometimes we only pay attention to the rise and fall of our bellies or chests when we're in a Yoga or Pilates class.  But, why can't we stretch at work, or while waiting in a line, or talking on the phone, or during commercials on television? 

This is what you should begin implementing, starting now:  the next time you're waiting for your program to come back on, or you're waiting in a queue for a customer service representative, stand up straight.  Hold your arms up, shoulder distance apart, keep your neck long and just inhale and exhale deeply for 30 seconds.  Then, while still standing, do some calf raises, lifting your heels off the floor for 50 repetitions.  It provides instant blood flow to your joints, and it wakes up your brain a bit.  Plus, it just feels good to circulate and invigorate your nervous system.  

Stretching is a vital component in your fitness profile.  Heck, it's important to stretch as much as possible and the majority of us aren't doing any stretches at all.  And that can lead to undue stress which accumulates in the body and mind.  So, begin at the beginning.  First identify where you're most tense and then find ways to bring fresh oxygen and blood into those tender areas.  For me, it's my neck, shoulders, lower back and hips.  When all four areas get stretched, I feel instantly uplifted and energized. 

Do you like rotating your hips?  What about trying supported back bends?  Shoulder rolls, neck tilts, standing knee lifts?  All of these are great examples of bringing fresh blood into the joints and muscles.  You need to do more stretching, starting now.

If you have a few minutes to read this blog, then you certainly have a few minutes to move your body around.  No excuses.  When you stretch, you will invariably improve the quality of your life.  You'll smile more, you'll be less agitated, you'll improve your memory, you'll sleep better at night, you'll be refreshed, you'll be inspired.  You'll wonder why you didn't start this sooner and with more regularity.

Whatever your fitness level is, you can do this.  The other day, I stretched at the coffee shop and people simply stared at me.  But, I didn't really care--I was intentionally trying to share my energy with my audience and ultimately prove a point--that stretching is so essential and should be a part of your daily routine. 

Vow to add an extra minute or two of scattered stretches to your daily life, and then make a note of how much better it feels to simply move more. This isn't some corny plea I'm trying to make; this is as real as it gets.  The more you stretch, the more improved your overall composition will be.  You don't need a full hour in a yoga class--you need a few minutes of YOU TIME, in your own time.

Be healthy, my readers. 

What's wrong with people?

It has been a very long time since I've enjoyed watching a comedian on television.  A few days ago, I caught the act of Sebastian Maniscalco and loved every minute of it.  This fellow was so true-to-form on stage.  He shared relevant topics of interest and added his unique flare to his performance.  He was genuinely funny and real. 

Which brings me to my reason for writing today;  I think I'm a rather keen observer of human interaction and body language and lately, I've found myself getting agitated watching how people relate to each another in public.  I always question why people do what they do and why most unassuming folks say the darnedest things...
Sebastian's comedy act is entitled, 'What's wrong with people'?, and I couldn't agree more. 

For instance, I'm sure you've witnessed a family squabble or two when you've been out in public.  Have you ever seen mothers talk to their kids in the most inappropriate ways possible? 

The other day I overheard a young woman bawling out her two kids for being so rambunctious at the nail salon, where I was getting a pedicure.  Seriously, did she really think that her two young boys would sit still and be angels while she got primped?   I just found it so laughable as she pretended like no one else was around.  She raised her voice a number of times and finally, she called her husband on her cell phone to come and pick up the boys.  Why the hell did you bring them to your 'sanctuary' in the first place, you dumb bimbo?

Hey, I'm not a mother and perhaps I'm speaking out of line here, but why does common sense get thrown out the window when it comes to children?  Why do people embarrass themselves in front of onlookers?  Do they even care?  Are they so dense that they can't see past their own noses?  Frankly, it's really atrocious, and you can bet that when I'm a parent, none of that shit will go down.

Another quick story:  I was having lunch with my husband last week and I watched as a woman behind the food counter was preparing a stir-fry for a patron.  While she was stirring the mixture, the patron asked if he could have more vegetables.  She didn't even hesitate when she answered 'no'.  There wasn't even room for compromise--she merely shut him down.  What the hell was that?  This was a paying customer who simply asked for a few more carrots and celery in his stir-fry.  Why is customer service lacking in almost every industry known to man?  And why do people take their anger and frustrations out on innocent people in the workplace?  Ludicrous!

Most of the time, it's simple decorum people lack, but logically, it doesn't make sense to be ignorant to people's feelings.  I would agree that being a 'mensch' is easier said than done but one must practice what they preach.  But I see it all too often--people are misinformed, misunderstood, misaligned.  Mistake.

Sometimes when you can't see your own wrong-doings, it can come back to bite you in the ass over time.  It's a cumulative effect, and 'the man upstairs' keeps track.  You can't be an ignoramus for too long, before the truth is highlighted for you.  You must make efforts to treat people kindly and bite your tongue when necessary.  It's a shame that more people aren't humble, naturally kind and selfless. 

Next time you're out in public and you're the 'fly on the wall', observe, listen and promise to never repeat the mistakes of others.  Save yourself from potential embarrassment and leave your anger at the door. 
Instead, be the type of person other people want to emulate.  Because, that's gold; valuable, precious and worth saving.

Jamaica, MON--The week in review...

We were all revved up for our all-inclusive, week-long journey to Runaway Bay in Jamaica.  It all began at the airport in Toronto, where we witnessed a middle-aged couple quarrelling and making a spectacle of themselves in front of the loading gate across from ours.  They were quite obviously under the influence of drugs and uttering profane and inappropriate words to one another.  Needless to say, they were not permitted on their flight and were escorted out of the airport by the authorities.  Way to begin a vacation!

Now, on to more relevant news about our trip, which was filled with great gems that we'll remember for a lifetime.  The resort we stayed at, the view from our room, the excursion we took to Bob Marley's mausoleum and stopping in Ocho Rios, were all spectacular.  But, the food was atrocious in every way.  I think we had one decent dinner for the entire week of our stay.  I never expected the buffet selections at the resort to be of high quality, but you'd think the Jamaican people would know a thing or two about spices and flavours!

Thank goodness for our wonderful driver, Tyrone Neil, who was instrumental in showing us the local places to eat, where to buy authentic 'Blue Mountain' coffee and the premium shopping spots to buy souvenirs.   It was smartest thing we did--hiring a trustworthy, former police officer to take us around the mountains, back alleys and areas of interest we might not have seen otherwise.

The best part of our week was the glorious pool at our resort.  It was just massive and it was a wonderful spot to chill out, drink 'Red Stripe' beer and watch the world go by.  That's where we camped out for the majority of our days.  I had never seen my husband so relaxed and that made me very content.

The downsides of our trip?  There were a few:  The first room we stayed in was beside an area of new construction, and there was constant noise day and night. We changed rooms on the fourth day of our trip when the ceiling started to leak at 4:30am due to the air conditioning unit.  Oh, joy.

On the fifth night of our holiday, we decided to venture out to a place called, 'Luminous Lagoon'.  We thought it would be a fun evening excursion, but we ended up paying 50 bucks total for a 25-minute boat ride to supposedly see some tropical fish glowing in the sea after dark.  We didn't see sh**.

If you're a foodie like me, you know decent food when you taste it.  Our breakfasts were horrific.  Tons of selection, but the buffet featured nasty looking fruit, shitty tasting breads, greasy meats, vegetables soaked in oil and bland flavored items right across the board.  Lunch was our saving grace.  We ate fresh salads, jerk chicken and decent snacks.  Dinner?  Let's just say we were nutritionally deprived all week and that was not a good thing.

Overall, we were quite impressed with the grounds, the people, the beer.  For the first time in quite awhile, both my husband and I enjoyed doing nothing.  We didn't overload ourselves in any way and we came home feeling rested, thankful to be home and grateful beyond measure for our creature comforts. 

Jamaica is a poor country and it was so evident when our driver took us for a ride into the mountains.  Most of the homes were incomplete in their construction.  I was so humbled to see how the locals lived, with very little.  I can only imagine how they'd fare if they lived in a wealthy and affluent country like ours...

Would I go back?  No.  Would I recommend the 'Gran Bahia Principe' resort to others?  Yes. 
Frankly, I love travelling to tropical locales but, onward and upward. 

Thanks for reading.  Irie, mon.

EYE see what you mean...

I was fifteen years old when I noticed it.  I was sitting in my Grade 9 class and I was struggling to make out the words on the chalk board.  It really bothered me back then, that I'd have to wear glasses to see properly.  That's nothing compared to what I'd later discover about my vision.

I was in my mid-20's when I was finally told by my optometrist that I had keratoconus; an eye condition that causes a gradual thinning of the corneal tissue, and that it deteriorates as one gets older.  To be frank, eye glasses no longer served me well, and I had to switch to soft contact lenses.  At 35, I noticed that my eyesight wasn't getting better, it was gradually getting worse.  I had constant redness, itchiness, swelling and my eyes would well up with tears on a daily basis.  People thought I was high all the time (which I was), or that I wasn't sleeping well (which I wasn't).  Everything that I did was directly affected by my vision.  I was miserable.

Finally, it was my brother, Adam, who miraculously found an eye specialist on the internet, who dealt specifically with keratoconus.  Dr. Michael Baertschi, all the way from Bern, in Switzerland.  This man literally saved my eyes from what would otherwise be an unfortunate tragedy.  Little did I know that wearing soft contact lenses for over 15 years was actually causing more harm than good. 

I travelled to Europe to meet Dr. Baertschi for the first time in 2007.  I was utterly shocked to learn about my complex eye disease, which my brother and I both suffer from.  I was getting an education about my condition for the first time in my life, and I sobbed when I discovered the truth about my eyes.  I could have done irreparable damage, had I not met this miracle doctor sooner.

He immediately prescribed rigid contact lenses that were phenomenal to wear once I got used to them.  The clarity, comfort and ease of insertion with the new lenses were the most noticeable improvements and as a result, my overall mood and self-esteem escalated.  I was happier than I've ever been, once Dr. B stepped in and took control of the reigns.  To me, he is a life saver, an absolute humane and selfless individual who genuinely cares for his patients.  Thank G-d for him. 

My point in sharing this with you, is to highlight how your vision is vital to a happy life.  In the literal sense, you need your sight to get by in the world, but if G-d forbid you didn't have your sight, you'd have to use your other senses to function and adapt.  And let me tell you, during my years of utterly hazy, cloudy and disrupted vision, I was forced to make use of my other senses.  It took me years to develop a rhythm, but I pushed through.  And I was one of the luckier ones;  because had I not taken active measures to make changes in my life, I would have become blind.  No word of a lie.

Your eyes are the windows to your soul.  You need to take care of them.  Even if you have stellar vision, you need to protect them from the elements.  Shield them from direct sunlight, nourish your body with foods that contain lutein (such as tomatoes, avocados, kale, swiss chard, spinach, collard greens, parsley), to protect your eyes from the inside out.  When engaging in any contact sport, wear a mask or goggles.  Take it from me, the gal with the delicate peepers, you should take much better care of them than you already do.

Do you see what I mean?  Just do your best and continue to take care of you.  To all my loyal readers, thank you for taking the time to learn about my condition.

Walk the Talk

I began teaching group fitness classes as a volunteer in 1991.   I can vividly recall the very first class I led--my knees were shaking, my voice cracked, my mouth was dry and I was petrified that I would forget my moves.  Before mandatory certification came into existence, I taught all types of freestyle classes.  What made my decision to become a full-time personal trainer and instructor very easy, was my mother, Valentina. 

It was 1984--there she was in the large gymnasium of the Jewish Community Centre, teaching a cardio class to over 100 people.  I remember the electricity in the room to be so palpable.  Her voice echoed over the room and she drove everyone into a wild, sweaty frenzy with her disco music.  At the time, I was 12 years old.  I wore a 'unitard' with leg warmers and my eyes just popped when I saw her on stage.  She was so exhilarating to watch.

It was at that moment, that I made the commitment to become just like Mom--a person that people looked to for guidance and motivation.  A person that made their mark among the masses and was a force to be reckoned with.  It was definitely in the cards for me to follow in her footsteps.

In 1999, I became certified with Can-Fit-Pro, one of the most highly recognized certification and education providers in the fitness industry.  Every year, I attend the annual conference and trade show in late August.  And every year, I am simply floored by the number of delegates that participate in this weekend-long event.  For me, it's a natural fit--I get to immerse myself in the latest trends in the industry, meet up with all of my friends who are trainers and instructors, and participate in master classes of all genres.  It is the highlight of my year.  It makes me recognize just how lucky I am to be alive and proves how right I was that I chose this vocation as my career, my hobby, my raison d’être.

Fast forward to present day, and I'm just as dedicated and excited to be teaching classes, as I've ever been.  Every single day, I get to be 'on stage' and bring people my blend of energy and ingenuity.  My claim to fame?  Every single session I teach is different from the last.  In my entire career, I have NEVER repeated the same class twice.  I have never rehearsed my material.  Some people that I've guided for years have claimed that I'm like no other instructor they've seen.  Others tell me that I have raw talent, flawless delivery and consistently offer explanations and modifications to make everyone feel successful.   I cannot begin to describe how elated I feel when I've affected even ONE person in my work-week.

And at the ripe age of 40, I can certainly say that I walk the talk.  I try to maintain good habits, in and out of the gym.  I have always been a health-conscious gal, but I believe that life is meant to be enjoyed and savoured.  Making room for indulgences is absolutely integral to one's well being and sanity.  You have to let go a little.  Conditions do not have to be perfect for you to achieve personal success. 

Try not to listen to the voice inside your head that sometimes screams, 'I can't'!  You sure as hell can.  Don't let your former self dictate what your present self feels.  You have a body that was designed for movement.  You have food at your disposal to provide you with the energy you need to survive.  You have people around you that need to you be strong and maintain your vitality.  Walk the talk.  If you ever find yourself saying 'It's time', do not hesitate or second-guess yourself--move forward with huge strides.  See what happens when you put fear aside.

Show them what you're made of.  I did.  And now, I'll never look back.

Turning 40

Turning 40 this year was everything I hoped it would be.  For the first time in as long as I could remember, I was actually happy to be a year older.   More importantly, I survived my 30's and I was  genuinely enthusiastic to begin my 40's on a good note.

To begin, I had the most amazing birthday celebration.  My husband orchestrated a party in our home for my family and closest friends.  He hired a private chef to create delicious dishes, and he methodically organized the party, whereby I was completely unaware of the plans he was making.  It was superb in every way.

I remember something that my aunt once told me when I turned 30; she said that my 40's would be the best years of my life.  Just like that, matter of fact.  I really didn't absorb the message back then, but today, I can feel what she meant. 

My 30's were a disaster.  I'm not being melodramatic, here.  I can honestly describe myself back then as insecure, angry, edgy, impatient, unkind and arrogant.  I cried a lot.  I screamed a lot.  I had bad relationships with men.   I turned to marijuana for solace and 'clarity'.  I made a lot of people worry about me unnecessarily.   And I had zero confidence in myself.

I've been a fitness instructor for over 20 years.  One would think that my being in an industry that promotes good health and well-being would create a heightened awareness for me, about the body, mind and spirit.  In essence, my career saved me through all of my pain and suffering.  I used exercise as my springboard to safety.  It was my outlet when I needed to let off steam.  It made sense to sweat every day--it released toxins out of my system and allowed me to flush out any negativity I was carrying.

The day everything changed?  It was late August of 2009, when I travelled to Costa Rica alone.  I decided to take part in a one-week contract teaching yoga, in a beautiful resort.  It was a picture perfect location, insanely hot weather and friendly people.  But I was all alone, and I was lonely.  I actually wrote in a journal for the length of my stay and I still refer to it, when I want to read the words of a girl in turmoil.  I realized back then that I had no other choice;  I had to make drastic changes in my life, or I'd be stuck in this self-imposed hell. 

It took me months to come around, after that trip.  I literally eliminated toxic people from my life and began looking at the world differently.  I forced myself to smile, even when I wasn't truly content.  I kept thinking how far I still had to go to feel a sense of success, accomplishment and self-worth.  But then, without knowing exactly how it came to pass, I naturally simmered down and just accepted myself for all my faults and foibles.

Turning 40 was the knowledge that I came from a place of despair and rose above the fray to create a life of value.  I married a wonderful man who elevated my soul to new heights.  I made new friends who accepted me for everything that I am.  I reconnected with family members and solidified my relationships with them.  I started waking up each morning being grateful for my life. 

We all have to appreciate the good, the bad and the mediocre.  When one has a new perspective on life, it can only continue on a high note.  Know that you too, have every reason to celebrate where you are right now and how far you've come.  You're not turning another year older--you're turning another year better.