It's been a very interesting year, indeed. I'm on the verge of turning 41, and by golly, that number still throws me for a loop. Not because I'm sad about it; on the contrary, I'm rather happy about it. Unlike others, I don't want to turn the clock back. I'm pretty content in the skin I'm in.
The other day, I looked at my face in the mirror and I examined all of my facial freckles. I started to think: they're a compilation of all my years on the planet. My freckle-face has weathered storms, so to speak. I don't ever assume to know everything, but I certainly have developed a keen sense of self, just this year alone. After all the 'wear and tear', I have developed a short list of 10 things I know for sure:
1. My mother was right. About most things. Especially about matters of the heart. I don't know about anyone else reading this, but when I was dating, my mom instinctively knew which boys were well-intentioned and which ones weren't. She developed a 'guy-dar', so to speak...(I just made that up). And while I kicked and literally screamed in my 20's and 30's, I learned to tame my temper a little bit more in my 40's. Low and behold, when I started to dig the skin I was in, I attracted the right kind of guy.
2. Loving yourself through the bad and ugly times is just as integral as loving yourself in the good times. I used to suffer emotionally, because if ONE lousy person would say something to ruin my mood, my day would be shot. Not so, anymore. I believe that as soon as I hit 40, my mentality shifted gears. Ok, I still get a little hot-headed from time to time (give me a break, I'm a natural redhead), but I don't let my emotions overwhelm me or fester for too long. Life's too awesome for that nonsense.
3. Being a home owner has really made me smarten up in the best way possible. I really believe that my home is my safe haven and I lovingly care for it. I especially adore the feeling I get when I enter the front door each day. It has a fresh, clean linen smell that drives me wild. I've NEVER felt this way about any home/condo/apartment that I've ever lived in. Somehow, my current abode leaves an indelible mark in my mind and I'm in love (in more ways than one).
4. If you have read any of my previous posts, you'd know that I once suffered with major body image issues and an eating disorder. I cannot begin to express how grateful I am, to have permanently eliminated all negative feelings about exercise/food/my well-being. I chose a vocation that specializes in making people feel good about their bodies. Therefore, if you're going to walk the walk, you have to talk the talk.
5. Anger is a killer. And yes, for decades I let my anger get the best of me. What I know for sure is that if I could take it all back, I would in a heartbeat. In retrospect, I could have saved myself so many years of anguish and needless suffering. I guess things happen for a reason.
6. If you don't create things/events in your life to look forward to, you're merely existing. Living each day with verve--that's where it's at! I married a man who loves to plan ahead. He's like a kid in a candy store, really. It's quite endearing to see him get so giddy about wonderful things, like going out to restaurants, concerts, taking vacations and attending family events. All of his boundless enthusiasm has really worn off on me. And the best part is, I love that.
7. Sometimes, you just have to let go. You can't push or force things to be a certain way. Backing off is hard to do. Relinquishing control is just as challenging. And while we all want some semblance of control of our destiny, certain forces are still going to prevail and reign supreme. I've learned the hard way, that if it's supposed to come into your life, it will. No ifs, ands or buts.
8. The one element in my life that has always healed me through countless heartaches and heartbreaks: music. It really is the food of life, love and liberty. Sometimes I look up at the sky and wonder what life would be like without it, but I sure as hell don't want to find out. When I was in my 20's and feeling depressed, music was my best friend. And I don't know a single soul out there who would ever argue that music hasn't done something for their well-being. Music makes the world go round.
9. My extended family has become more important to me in my 40's, than they ever were in all of my existence. I have many cousins all over the world, and I don't ever want to lose my connection to them. Distance usually causes rifts, but I want to keep my bridges intact.
10. Heck, if your attitude is in-check, then turning another year older is a cinch. Sure, I have many regrets. Apparently, I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. It all comes down to having a belief. For decades, my beliefs alluded me, but I found them, buried underneath a shitload of rubble. Thank goodness.
I hope I made you smile today. Thanks for reading.
Wonderful post...we don't know this when we're young but things come to us when we are 'ready'. Meeting the right man happened because you were ready...changes within yourself were made because you were ready...etc. etc. etc. I don't know many people who have worked as hard as you have to arrive at this moment in your life. Your relentless pursuit of 'self improvement' and your blunt candour always astounds me. I am very proud of the woman you have become. I love you.
ReplyDeleteKeep it going.