Lying and cheating: A destructive duo in relationships...

While I was at work yesterday, a colleague of mine approached me to say hello and catch up on some news.  During our five minute conversation, she shared with me that her boyfriend of two years cheated on her with another woman.  I felt awful hearing her story.  Apparently, he kept it a secret from her for months, and it was only when she cornered him with a series of questions about the subject, did he finally admit to the truth.  This woman has had no end of crappy luck in her relationships.  She's petite, sweet, fit and funny--any man would be lucky to have her as a girlfriend.  But, seemingly, she continues to attract the same type of man:  those who 'pull the wool over her eyes', those who are deceitful, lying, cheating bastards.  I wonder what kind of vibe she's putting into the universe, to repeatedly attract these 'wolves in sheep's clothing'...

 

We all want to be adored in our relationships, don't we?  We invest all of our energy, in body, mind and soul, and hope that our hearts don't end up in pieces when we give them away to our perspective mates.  We hope that honesty and trust are paramount when we begin our journey with another person.   But, it doesn't always end up happily.

 

My colleague, who admits she's quite intuitive, very trusting and extremely easy-going, was tricked.  Her boyfriend obviously worked very hard to cover up his tracks and his web of lies ended up being the dynamite that destroyed their relationship.  Here's the kicker:  As she spoke to me, her face didn't show any signs of being visibly upset; rather, she was bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, surprisingly calm, and rational.  Sadly, this wasn't the first time a man had disappointed her in this way.

 

So, it begs the question:  What kind of energy is she putting out into the cosmos, to continually attract these types of men?  As intelligent, trusting and intuitive as she is, why isn't she better equipped to filter out the 'undesirables' and attract men who possess quality traits and exude 'staying power'? 

 

Here's the theory:  We teach people, through our body language and our words, how to treat us.  We are constantly setting standards for ourselves and others--how we want to be spoken to, respected and loved.  If we appear timid or self-conscious or unsure of ourselves, it shows to the outside world.   Some men (and women) who are self-assured and successful sometimes look for mates who exhibit more submissive traits, and that's not a bad thing.  It's very much like the Yin-Yang in Chinese philosophy.    That's what makes the world go round.  Sometimes, opposites really do attract.  But, why does one have to lie and cheat their way through a relationship that is less than favorable?  Wouldn't it be so much easier to fess up, be truthful and come clean with your partner?

 

Fear plays a big part in choosing to lie.  Whether we fear losing the relationship, feel badly about a mistake made, or dislike conflict, it is best in the long run to face these vulnerabilities and fears.  When you resist telling your partner that you have lost interest in sex, are you protecting your partner from feeling hurt or avoiding the challenging conversation that might create tension in your relationship? 

 

I would argue that it hurts so much more to lie and cheat than it does to simply admit the truth.  If one is truly unhappy in a relationship, one should communicate openly about it, rather than sweeping secrets under the rug.  If this problem festers, it only gets worse, not better.

 

Lying and cheating--a destructive duo that causes nothing but anguish.  Human beings are fragile creatures.  We all want to find that special someone who makes our hearts sing.  We all want excitement and adventure in our unions, but why cheat and lie if you're unhappy?  It's a cop-out, my friends.  Many of us don't have the balls to admit we're miserable and would rather make other people suffer for our mistakes.  A shame, really.  Love means putting your heart and soul out there, being open and vulnerable and trusting that someone doesn't stomp on your dreams.

 

My opinion? If you're unhappy, quickly figure out what you need to do to get happier.  Open your mouth and talk to your partner.  It's time to reveal your weaknesses, divulge your deepest desires, and show your true colors.  Give up on the idea of stretching the truth.  If you're reading this and you really want 'out' of your relationship, you'd better start talking with your mate.  Stop lying and cheating.  Save yourself and your mate from unnecessary torment.  Do the right thing.