Move your own Mountain

I know a woman who at the age of 55, is still getting her menstrual cycle, hates her body (even though she's toned and fabulous) and obsesses about every morsel of food she eats.  I know another 50 year old woman who weighs herself on her bathroom scale three times a day.  And another woman I know in her late 70's, who works out for 5 hours a day.  No word of a lie.

My goodness.  Would you label these women as 'addictive personalities'?  I sure as hell would.  That any mature woman beyond the age of 50 would still go to any lengths to maintain her former frame is a bit scary.  That self-acceptance is so hard to come by, that modifying one's lifestyle is pain-staking, that self-confidence is non-existent--it saddens me.

I've had lengthy discussions with all three of these women, and sometimes I feel that it's all for nought.  I try to inspire them, change their perspectives, give them some booster shots.  Like talking to a wall, I cannot make an impact.  Here's where I throw my hands in the air and say, 'What can you do'? 

Firstly:  Step back, listen and observe.  Don't try to be a hero.  Sometimes people need to come around on their own willingly, without being coerced.  You can be a shoulder to cry on, or a listening ear, but unless someone specifically asks you to help them conquer something, you have to lay off. 

I have never been the type to just offer my opinions without being asked first.  I cannot hurt someone's feelings outright, but it doesn't dismiss the fact that I care deeply for other women, especially since I've been through my own challenges and had some serious hurdles to jump over, during the course of my life.  I want to tell these three women, that I've been through all of that shit--hating my body, exercising for 4 hours a day, suffering from bulimia, etc.  But, I realize that all women must make their own discoveries, and come to an understanding about themselves without assistance.  Sure, any book can tell you how to feel, what to do,  and when to take action.  But, how does one fully digest the idea of 'aging gracefully'?

It happens for some people, but not for all.  I keep thinking that the three women I've highlighted at the beginning of this post may never change.  Sounds like they're all stuck in one way or another and despite what anyone says to the contrary, they're beyond changing or restructuring their thoughts.  The thing is, they are all fit, healthy and aware.  They have immense power and capabilities.  They have a keen sense of self and in my eyes, they're on top things.  So, why do they sometimes crumble?  Are they afraid of failure?

I certainly was.  When I first started teaching fitness classes, I couldn't shake the idea that I had to look a certain way, because I was the one everyone was looking to for inspiration.  I thought I always had to have the chiseled physique, the beaming confidence, the right outfit.  Bull!  All I needed was to be me and to accept my idiosyncrasies. 

I am well aware that fear can stop anyone in their tracks.  It can poison minds and linger for an eternity if an antidote isn't found.  But for the women in particular who hate themselves because they're drooping, sagging, withering away or otherwise losing their vitality and youth - that always strikes a chord in me.  I can't bury it in my psyche.  Whenever a woman shares her innermost thoughts with me, I listen intently.  I try to offer solace without coming across as a 'know-it-all'.  I do know that obsessing about the body is damaging to the brain.  That somehow all the incessant 'thinking' causes everything else to halt, freeze and lay dormant. 

Wishing it away won't change things.  It will have to change when self-acceptance becomes a ritual.  The three women I speak of are all beautiful.  They work hard to maintain what they have.  But, they are still hurting.  It's quite evident by the way they live.  They need to let go and relinquish control.  They need to let time take care of things without resistance and endless tears. 

Bottom line:  One has to move their own mountain.  One can seek therapy, talk to loved ones,  read self-help books, attend lectures or find any other temporary solution to find inner peace.  The only answer you will find, will inevitably come from within and by the way, it's already there.  You don't have to seek it out.  It is alive and well, inside of you.

So, to the women reading this:  Hold your head up high and be happy with what you have, because what you have is so much.  And to the men:  Put your women on pedestals.  They do so much, yet think of themselves so little.  Give them a well-deserved boost. 

Everyone deserves to see the sun.  Spring is approaching.  Go get 'em, tiger.